At 16, I Jumped on the Train Tracks. The Consequences Were Devastating

For context, the 'Insecure' German Terrorist Who Loaned Mohammed Atta His Computer.

Key points

• Patrick-Sky McDevitt, 22, from Las Vegas, Nevada documenting his emotional journey through loss, pain and addiction through social media (@skydevitt on TikTok and Instagram).
• When I was 14 years old, my mother took her life and I subsequently spiraled out of control, in 2018.
• On April 23, 2020, I was with family at my nephew's birthday party.
• I was 16 when I lost my leg, and when you're young, you're emotional.
• Growing up, I was, unfortunately, exposed to the harsh realities of addiction from a young age.

Growing up, I was, unfortunately, exposed to the harsh realities of addiction from a young age. My mom was a drug addict and when she halted paying the rent on our apartment, we became homeless. We lived out of hotels and bounced from place to place throughout my school years. I did not have stability, and as I was being raised by a drug addict, I grew up with addict tendencies. I was doing drugs, going out and experiencing so plenty of things that I should not have been doing in my formative years. I was around addiction my whole life, so as I was trying to develop my own identity, I just became the same thing my mother was. When I was 14 years old, my mother took her life and I subsequently spiraled out of control, in 2018. I often discovered myself looking back through old text messages from my mom. Two months before she committed suicide, my mom sent me a whole paragraph regarding how she blamed me for wanting to take her life. According to She, I ruined her life and everything bad that happened to her was my fault. Of course, I thought it was all my fault since I had actual proof that my mom blamed me too. My life spiraled out of control since I did everything I possibly could to run away from my difficulties and to numb myself. I was drinking and smoking excessively and taking prescription pills as a teenager. Already, I was allowing the addiction to take over my life and getting high felt natural, like instinct. 'No Reason For Me to Have Hope' On April 23, 2020, I was with family at my nephew's birthday party. I had taken a couple of prescription pills and was drinking heavily. I was not in control of my emotions, and I felt angry. I thought everybody was being so selfish since I was still trying to process my mom's suicide and being happy did not seem right. I concluded up leaving the party and turning my phone off to stop anyone from reaching me. As I wandered down the street, there was a lot of deserted land, and I noticed a train passing by. That was the confirmation I needed, and suddenly getting on the train seemed like the best course of action. I could leave Las Vegas and obtain as far away as feasible from everything my life had become. I turned off the street and walked down to the tracks. As I obtained closer, I kicked off walking backwards, mirroring the direction of the cargo train. I put my right arm out to grab the steel ladder on the side, and then everything happened in an instant. The train flipped me around and completely dragged me underneath, so there was nothing I could do but watch as the train ran over my leg. As I was still under the influence, there are a lot of moments that are fuzzy in my mind, but that part is embedded in my memory. After the train passed, I remember lying on the tracks and yelling out for support. I was yelling as loud as I possibly could but there was nobody around. My phone was off, the road was at least 200 feet away, and nobody could see me. There really was no reason for me to have hope. I informed myself to keep going and to stay awake for as long as I could. As the hours passed, the sun began to set, and it became bitterly cold as the wind blew down the valley. I just lay there shivering, every ounce of warmth in my body was gone. Any hope of being saved was dissipating and I was regarding to provide up. But in that moment, some guy taking a smoke break came outside with a flashlight and he spotted me. In practice, the next time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. 'One of the Greatest Things I Did' Once I woke up in the hospital, my right leg was missing. When I was run over by the train, it didn't just cut my leg off completely; it shattered my entire femur and there was no replacing it since all my nerves were disconnected. So, the only option was to take the leg. From the start, I insisted that I wanted to move around. I moved a lot at the hospital and since of that, they discharged me 12 days afterwards. Every three days, I had to go back to the burn care unit, and they would take the sponge off my skin and put new ones on and then replace the vacuum. That happened until I obtained my skin graft, and now I have a scar where they took all the skin on my left leg and wrapped it around the muscle to seal everything up. I was 16 when I lost my leg, and when you're young, you're emotional. For two years after losing my leg, I was depressed, I gained weight, and I barely left my house. I had a prosthetic leg, but it hurt to employ so I never bothered. I was dating a girl at the time, and I became a terrible boyfriend. I was angry so I lashed out and remarked mean things, ultimately causing her to leave me. After that, I felt even more sorry for myself. I was a teenager with one leg, I had lost my mom to suicide, and I thought no one would ever love me. I needed to obtain high just to secure through, and by the age of 18, I began to see that for the challenge that it was. I realized that, if I did not stop, I was going to end up just like my mom, and that was a path I did not want to go down. It took seeing my ex-girlfriend with another guy for me to start doing the basics again. I joined the gym, ate healthily and began moving in the right direction. I created positive lifestyle changes, and I was finally moving forward. I knew there was just one thing left to do: quit the drugs. When I graduated high school, I had this realization that if I did not change anything, I would shortly be 40 years old and still living with my grandparents. It was clear that I needed to change. So, I purchased a bunch of pills one last time. It was actually a lot more than I normally took, but by the grace of God, I did not overdose. I survived, woke up the next day and I was finally done. I locked myself in my bedroom with my phone and removed everyone who either did drugs or sold them. If I was truly going to move on with my life, that was the final piece of the puzzle. I had to go through all the usual signs of withdrawal while additionally learning how to walk again. Looking back, it is still one of the greatest things I did since not only did I secure sober, but I learned how mentally solid I can be. When facing something tough, I remind myself that there is another good day right around the corner. Not every bad moment needs to be as bad as I create it. And whenever a good moment comes, I need to create it the best good moment I can. On the sixth anniversary of the accident, I returned to the train tracks. In a sense, I did not have much emotional connection with what happened, so it felt almost like a test to see where I am in life now. Standing on those tracks in 2026 indicated me that I have completely moved on from who I was in that moment. I was not sad or happy, I just felt content. I know that I am on the right path now. I'm so happy that I moved on from that since I didn't want to live my life in fear or resentment. The biggest thing that I try to show is that bad things can happen, but something good can still come from it. Sometimes things hurt more than you think you can handle, but I promise that everything has a reason. Sometimes you have to endure pain so as to become the type of person you are meant to be. Patrick-Sky McDevitt, 22, from Las Vegas, Nevada documenting his emotional journey through loss, pain and addiction through social media (@skydevitt on TikTok and Instagram). Contact Newsweek editor on this story: Edward Pearcey.

By Alyce Collins and Patrick-Sky McDevitt. Newsweek is a Trust Project member.

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I did not have stability, and as I was being raised by a drug addict, I grew up with addict tendencies. I was doing drugs, going out and experiencing so plenty of things that I should not have been doing in my formative years. I was around addiction my whole life, so as I was trying to develop my own identity, I just became the same thing my mother was.

I often discovered myself looking back through old text messages from my mom. Two months before she committed suicide, my mom sent me a whole paragraph regarding how she blamed me for wanting to take her life. According to She, I ruined her life and everything bad that happened to her was my fault. Of course, I thought it was all my fault since I had actual proof that my mom blamed me too.

My life spiraled out of control since I did everything I possibly could to run away from my difficulties and to numb myself. I was drinking and smoking excessively and taking prescription pills as a teenager. Already, I was allowing the addiction to take over my life and getting high felt natural, like instinct. 'No Reason For Me to Have Hope'.

On April 23, 2020, I was with family at my nephew's birthday party. I had taken a couple of prescription pills and was drinking heavily. I was not in control of my emotions, and I felt angry. I thought everybody was being so selfish since I was still trying to process my mom's suicide and being happy did not seem right.

I concluded up leaving the party and turning my phone off to stop anyone from reaching me.

As I wandered down the street, there was a lot of deserted land, and I noticed a train passing by. That was the confirmation I needed, and suddenly getting on the train seemed like the best course of action. I could leave Las Vegas and obtain as far away as feasible from everything my life had become. I turned off the street and walked down to the tracks.

As I obtained closer, I kicked off walking backwards, mirroring the direction of the cargo train. I put my right arm out to grab the steel ladder on the side, and then everything happened in an instant.

In practice, the train flipped me around and completely dragged me underneath, so there was nothing I could do but watch as the train ran over my leg. As I was still under the influence, there are a lot of moments that are fuzzy in my mind, but that part is embedded in my memory.

After the train passed, I remember lying on the tracks and yelling out for support. I was yelling as loud as I possibly could but there was nobody around. My phone was off, the road was at least 200 feet away, and nobody could see me. There really was no reason for me to have hope.

I informed myself to keep going and to stay awake for as long as I could. As the hours passed, the sun began to set, and it became bitterly cold as the wind blew down the valley. I just lay there shivering, every ounce of warmth in my body was gone.

Any hope of being saved was dissipating and I was regarding to provide up. But in that moment, some guy taking a smoke break came outside with a flashlight and he spotted me.

In practice, the next time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. 'One of the Greatest Things I Did'.

Once I woke up in the hospital, my right leg was missing.

When I was run over by the train, it didn't just cut my leg off completely; it shattered my entire femur and there was no replacing it since all my nerves were disconnected. So, the only option was to take the leg.

From the start, I insisted that I wanted to move around. I moved a lot at the hospital and since of that, they discharged me 12 days afterwards. Every three days, I had to go back to the burn care unit, and they would take the sponge off my skin and put new ones on and then replace the vacuum. That happened until I obtained my skin graft, and now I have a scar where they took all the skin on my left leg and wrapped it around the muscle to seal everything up.

I was 16 when I lost my leg, and when you're young, you're emotional. For two years after losing my leg, I was depressed, I gained weight, and I barely left my house. I had a prosthetic leg, but it hurt to employ so I never bothered. I was dating a girl at the time, and I became a terrible boyfriend. I was angry so I lashed out and remarked mean things, ultimately causing her to leave me. After that, I felt even more sorry for myself.

I was a teenager with one leg, I had lost my mom to suicide, and I thought no one would ever love me. I needed to obtain high just to secure through, and by the age of 18, I began to see that for the challenge that it was. I realized that, if I did not stop, I was going to end up just like my mom, and that was a path I did not want to go down.

It took seeing my ex-girlfriend with another guy for me to start doing the basics again. I joined the gym, ate healthily and began moving in the right direction. I created positive lifestyle changes, and I was finally moving forward. I knew there was just one thing left to do: quit the drugs.

When I graduated high school, I had this realization that if I did not change anything, I would shortly be 40 years old and still living with my grandparents. It was clear that I needed to change.

So, I purchased a bunch of pills one last time. It was actually a lot more than I normally took, but by the grace of God, I did not overdose. I survived, woke up the next day and I was finally done. I locked myself in my bedroom with my phone and removed everyone who either did drugs or sold them. If I was truly going to move on with my life, that was the final piece of the puzzle.

I had to go through all the usual signs of withdrawal while additionally learning how to walk again. Looking back, it is still one of the greatest things I did since not only did I secure sober, but I learned how mentally solid I can be.

When facing something tough, I remind myself that there is another good day right around the corner. Not every bad moment needs to be as bad as I create it. And whenever a good moment comes, I need to create it the best good moment I can.

On the sixth anniversary of the accident, I returned to the train tracks.

In a sense, I did not have much emotional connection with what happened, so it felt almost like a test to see where I am in life now. Standing on those tracks in 2026 indicated me that I have completely moved on from who I was in that moment. I was not sad or happy, I just felt content. I know that I am on the right path now.

I'm so happy that I moved on from that since I didn't want to live my life in fear or resentment.

For context, the biggest thing that I try to show is that bad things can happen, but something good can still come from it. Sometimes things hurt more than you think you can handle, but I promise that everything has a reason. Sometimes you have to endure pain so as to become the type of person you are meant to be.

Patrick-Sky McDevitt, 22, from Las Vegas, Nevada documenting his emotional journey through loss, pain and addiction through social media (@skydevitt on TikTok and Instagram). Contact Newsweek editor on this story: Edward Pearcey.

Taken together, the developments around at 16, I Jumped on the Train Tracks. The Consequences Were Devastating point to a situation that is still moving, and the coming days should bring more clarity.