Dear Abby: I’ve told her to lose weight, but she won’t listen, would a letter be better?

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Key points

• Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, additionally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
• There is a group that has been mentioned in this column plenty of times called Overeaters Anonymous.
• Talking to her doesn't support, so do you think a letter would be inappropriate? – STATING MY CASE IN IDAHO.
• I've tried talking to her, but she notes I am preaching to the choir.
• I want to write her a letter and tell her how hard it is watching her kill herself by not trying to support herself.

DEAR ABBY: My friend of plenty of years, whom I consider to truly be part of the family, has produced food the only thing that makes her happy. Besides my husband, she's all I have left. She went to a doctor a couple years ago who informed her she must lose weight, but she concluded up gaining more.

I've tried talking to her, but she notes I am preaching to the choir. It doesn't support that her husband is additionally obese. They enjoy eating out constantly. She has plenty of physical things wrong with her, most of which could be assisted greatly by losing at least 80 pounds.

I want to write her a letter and tell her how hard it is watching her kill herself by not trying to support herself. She has a heart difficulty, and the extra weight certainly is not helping it. She has a number of other difficulties, too. She has aches and pains everywhere – her knees hurt, her feet hurt and her liver is not doing well from all the medications. Getting rid of most of the excess weight would definitely support her secure around and create her healthier. It most probable would even secure her off some of the medications.

I wish I could write her and tell her that her daughter, son, husband, brother, sister-in-law, and especially her 7-year-old granddaughter and I really need her and want her to be around. Talking to her doesn't support, so do you think a letter would be inappropriate? – STATING MY CASE IN IDAHO.

DEAR STATING: I am going to assume that you have already informed this friend all the things you have in your letter to me. I am not sure how helpful it would be to put those thoughts in a letter. Your friend and her husband have a ritual they practice together – eating out. Unless both of them are willing to recognize it is causing serious health challenges and are willing to do something concerning it, nothing will change.

There is a group that has been mentioned in this column plenty of times called Overeaters Anonymous. It is a self-help group with a long and successful history. In these meetings there is no weighing, no shaming, no dues or fees for members. (They are self-supporting through their own contributions.) While it might not be something your friend is willing to explore, it might create you feel better to suggest this to her if she's unaware of it. For context, the website is oa.org.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has accused me of removing personal papers from her file cabinet. I have never gone into her file cabinet, nor have I ever removed any papers. This accusation is extremely hurtful. It has strained our relationship. I place great emphasis on honesty and integrity. I am now considering taking a polygraph test to validate my defense. Should I follow through or just let it go? – HONEST DAUGHTER.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Let it go. A polygraph test has a wide margin of error, so it wouldn't provide conclusive proof anyway. Instead, try to understand that your mother's accusation may come from frustration with herself at having misplaced the papers. She was wrong to take it out on you, but please show that you can be more forgiving than she has been.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, additionally known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

In short, dear Abby: I've told her to lose weight, but she won't listen, is the central thread here, and readers can expect follow-up reporting as the picture becomes clearer.