Listen, listen… the case for bringing back the art of listening

Lately, the news of a teenager who died by suicide came into focus.

Key points

• Anybody around to hear?——The author is a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist, Medical Trust Hospital, Kochi, and former member of State Mental Health Authority.
• Statements such as "That sounds really sad" or "You seem happy about that" validate emotions, not just narratives.
• For example, if a narrative ends with "I am really upset", a sensitive, inquisitive response such as "Upset?" can encourage deeper sharing.
• The algorithms, which lack the essential human components of empathy and care, tragically guided him towards self-harm.

Lately, the news of a teenager who died by suicide came into focus. Unable to find someone to listen to in the real world, this young person turned to an AI platform during intense emotional distress.

Meanwhile, the algorithms, which lack the essential human components of empathy and care, tragically guided him towards self-harm. Are there enough sensitive listening resources for growing children in a digitally loaded scenario?

Take another situation. This was a woman in a marriage that never offered her space to share. Her husband never listened. There were times when she craved a listening ear.

She discovered someone on Instagram who listened. That connection grew into an extra-marital relationship. When it was discovered, the husband reacted with fury – a reaction aligned with moral codes and social values. But can we ignore the reservations of a wife who felt neglected as she was never heard?

We hear these grievances often from individuals who seek assist for mental health problems. Students complain that teachers don't hear them.

Children lament that parents don't lend them an ear – they only offer advice.

In marital conflicts, "you never listen to me" is a recurring theme. The elderly, who need someone to be attentive to what they say, often don't obtain that backing.

Sadly, even in routine human interactions, there are more advisers or lecturers than listeners.

It is a fact that being listened to – without judgement – enhances well-being and confidence.

For context, the components of good listening go much deeper than simply hearing words.

Turn towards the person who wants to be heard. Maintain eye contact, nod and lean in slightly. Every verbal and non-verbal gesture should communicate: "I am with you." The attitude must be geared towards listening, not talking. Avoid all distractions, including using a mobile phone.

"What was that like for you?" is an example of a question that invites more sharing.

Closed questions that can be answered with a yes or no will not encourage ventilation. The approach should be to open the floodgates of emotions and allow individuals to share their experiences. Do not interrupt. Even silences are a form of communication. Allow them the time to break the silence. Paying attention to non-verbal communication is equally significant.

As the person narrates their experiences or vents their emotions and thoughts, the listener needs to walk alongside them and identify with what is being shared.

Statements such as "I understand" and body language that conveys backing can be reassuring.

It is significant that the listener remains composed so that emotional reactions do not go out of bounds. Share an appropriate level of joy when happy experiences are discussed. Acknowledge that you understand the feelings attached to life events.

Statements such as "That sounds really sad" or "You seem happy about that" validate emotions, not just narratives. Such responses should always follow empathetic listening.

Jumping to solutions too rapidly, judging, giving unsolicited advice or over-interpreting can block the free flow of sharing. Let the person speak at their own pace.

Once the person has finished sharing, summarise what you heard and provide feedback on your understanding, without losing the emotional tone. Ask them to correct you or add any missing points. This affirms that they were truly heard. Gently mirror the last two or three words they remarked.

For example, if a narrative ends with "I am really upset", a sensitive, inquisitive response such as "Upset?" can encourage deeper sharing. During the process, the listener can additionally assist by labelling emotions. It is always better to allow the expression of emotions within the safety of a trusting relationship.

When someone shares personal matters, they may seek confidentiality. Keeping that promise is essential. Nothing should be shared with others without clear consent.

If there are enough individuals in the small world of every human being who have both the willingness and the skills to listen, most emotional burdens will be lessened.

When a soul in distress pours out its feelings and thoughts to a listening mind, the mind gains clarity. Just as the sky shines brighter after a shower of rain.

So, identify your set of listening ears well ahead. Additionally build a listening attitude. In a world that is constantly talking or advising, let us practise the art of listening.

For now, listen, listen. The case for bringing back the art of listening remains the part of the story worth watching, and further updates are likely as more details are confirmed.